Yes, it’s the tight pant life for me, and no mistake. This may have been the reason why my bosses ordered me to try out Lululemon’s “anti-ball crushing pants” – pants which provoked much intrigue this week when the company claimed they were responsible for a remarkable turnabout in fortunes.
The anti-ball crushing pants, or ABC pants, for short, have been all the rage since they were introduced at the end of last year, Lululemon says. The pants have been influential in a 16% increase in Lululemon’s sales during the last quarter, and in finally garnering some positive publicity for a company that infamously had to pull yoga pants from the shelves over 2013’s see-through fabric scandal.
“We designed these pants with all-day comfort and performance in mind – seriously, you’re going to want to live in them,” states the blurb on the Lululemon website. “A wide paneled gusset and four-way stretch Warpstreme™ fabric make these pants commute, travel and sweat ready. We get it, you’re going places.”
The pants boast “anti-ball crushing engineering”, Lululemon says, which “gives you and the family jewels room to breathe”, and it’s the anti-crushing aspect of the pants that has been the focus of most of the attention.
I’ve been wearing these the pants for two days – I’ve got them on now – and am happy to report that no testes have been crushed. The anti-ball crushing technology has worked. My balls are still intact. The world must know about this fantastic new contraption! This could preserve the future of the human race! Continue reading >>